Teach Me...

A wise writer once penned, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside."

Your girl was childish.  I'm sure there's no one out there who could say they've never been that way, but when I think about how unteachable and stubborn I was, it makes me cringe. I've said recently that I've entered the dragon of my own foolishness, and it's a fight to the death for me to let go of the negative aspects of who I was and fulfill my potential as a woman.


So when I was in the barber shop while my high school friend Glenn was cutting my son's hair, I didn't think it strange that a flyer on their bulletin board jumped out at me.  "Fudo Shin Jujitsu and Combat Arts classes."  Against my fear of embarassment because of the extra weight I was carrying around, I signed up.


First class:  flashback to friggin basic training.  Low crawls, push ups, running...Lord, have mercy.  Between labored breaths and wiping sweat out of my eyes, I learned just how out of shape my physical and emotional body was.  It was important for me to stick with it so they could get back in shape...so I could mature and  teach myself to never again allow limits to infiltrate my mind the way they did.

My friend Cynthia told me, "Harriet, most of us are teaching ourselves; learning from others' mistakes and life's lessons which are very hard and sometimes unforgiving.  When we learn, we are responsible for teaching.  We teach whether we do it intentionally or not."  As I learned back falls and proper technique for choke holds, I realized I was teaching myself exactly how to learn again, and choking the life out of the little girl who acted like everything had to go her way, or there would be hell to pay.

I hit another class and learned about front rolls with and without hands.  It was...dizzying.  I thought I was gonna throw up.  I landed on my head and neck a few times and thought I was gonna die!  LOL  But Sabrina, one of the assistant instructors told me that it was important to LOOK UP when the dizziness threatened me.  Life has thrown me some dizzying blows, but true to form, what Sabrina taught me was right!  Looking up to God definitely eases the nauseous feeling over time.

Last week, I learned front kicks and how to break bones with simple movements.  Gerrod kicked THROUGH the pad I was holding, and it landed so hard that the whole Denzel-in-Glory-one-tear-while-getting-whipped came to my eye.  But I didn't let it fall.  ROFL  At that point, something my friend Sharon told me came to mind.  She said, "Processing pain correctly determines where you go from here. If approached right, it inspires you to return to become more of who you are."

The childish me doesn't like to go beyond the corruption of my comfort zone.  I'd rather play it safe and stay the same.  But Lance taught me through torture (rubber band runs, medicine ball sit ups, kettle ball throws and tire flips) that "Victory comes only to those who are willing to pay the price for it."   And boy, what a price I've been paying.  I'm learning how to keep my mouth shut (unless I have a question) and catch the nuggets of wisdom I'm learning from those who have paid the price and successfully navigated the road I'm now traveling.

When learning how to escape and disengage, Jusef taught me that it's not necessary to exert strength when a simple pivoted movement will do.  He demonstrated that by literally bringing me to my knees while teaching me the wrist lock.  Although I suspect he enjoyed inflicting that kind of pain (j/k, Jusef), it was valuable to know that surviving and thriving the mean twists and turns of my current circumstances requires more GRACE than strength.

At 33 years old, your girl is finally growing up.  I'm realizing that control over circumstances is overrated.  Sabrina said, "It's natural to tense up, but when gravity comes for you, you gotta think light so when you meet the ground, you can get back up easy."

The woman I was is slowly dying, and the lady I was created to be is blossoming right before my eyes.  I'm getting up much easier because I realize it's necessary...I can't afford to remain a child when I'm faced with raising a manchild and creating opportunities for him to learn how to construct his own promised land.

So when you hear me talking about my mixed martial arts class, please don't trip. I typically don't go on and on about something unless it has stoked a passion within me to continue learning and killing my limits.  To all the folks who are teaching me in class, whether I mentioned you or not, please accept my heartfelt gratitude.

God is using this class to help me...BE.