Finding Your Peace

Guest Post by Chaundra McGill

I was looking at a journal I kept back in college and ran across a poem I’d written called “Where Can I Find My Peace?”

A deeply heart-wrenching plea for personal tranquility, this poem describes me looking toward everyone and everything around me for peace of mind, but it remained elusive.

 

Throughout my twenties, I searched for peace. I was on a mission to find it, capture it, hold on to it, and squeeze it tightly and never let go.

I looked for this peace in the faces of my lovers, the companionship of my friends, different workplaces and the material goods I acquired.

And of course you’re thinking, “You can only find peace in yourself.”

I thought that for a very long time, but now I completely disagree.

Peace is not something to be sought or found. Peace is something you already have, regardless or not, if you know it or feel it.

I’ve learned that my peace was buried under my years of trauma, baggage, and hurt. It was masked by my cripplingly low self-esteem. My self-doubt shielded the view of my peace of mind.

My job was not to find it, but to clear all of that junk out of the way to access it.

I liken it to a hideous green shag carpet covering hardwood floors; you have to remove the carpet and treat the hardwood after years of neglect.

Basking in your peace is a process; it’s not enough to just get to it, but you must also nurture it.

So that is what I am working on now, not only removing strips of rug, but making the beautiful hardwood shine.

 My-Life, how do you find and maintain your peace?

Chaundra McGill is a true lover of words. Though she tried to suppress her affinity for literature by forging through the corporate world for a decade, the written word kept luring her back. After years of denial, she finally surrendered to her calling. By creating Writing Reflections–a company developed to teach people that writing is not only used for crafting literature, but can also be used as emotional outlet through the practice of journaling– Chaundra is now living her dream of creating not only better writers, but better people. Learn how writing can foster emotional well-being and healing by visiting http://writingreflections.com/index.php.

A Couple's Cancer

by Belinda Rhodes

I still remember as though it were yesterday.   I couldn't remember the last time I felt so alone.  No family, no friends, no nothing...just me alone with my thoughts. 

My husband was in surgery, and as I sat in the waiting room of Martin Army Hospital, I remember being confused, afraid, and angry.  I couldn't believe this was really happening to someone I love once again. 

The “C” word was invading my family and my life, but this time it had targeted my husband.  I thought, "Prostate Cancer!  How could this be?  My husband is a very healthy man.  He works out, he eats well.  How could this be?" 

Nothing could have prepared me for the changes that would take place in my marriage and the lack of local support available to the spouses of Prostate Cancer Survivors. 

Nothing could have prepared me for some family members and friends that abandon me during this time, not because they didn't care (I suppose), but because they just didn't know what to say. 

Honestly I didn't need anyone to say anything, I just needed a shoulder to be available for me to cry on.

 

Once my husband came home from the hospital I knew this was going to be a challenging time in our marriage.  Communication is very important, and let me be honest, not much of it was happening between us.  Even though he never verbally said it to me,  I could tell he was going through an extremely emotional time in his life and I wanted him to know I wasn't going anywhere. 

 

I finally sat down with Al and opened up to him.  I told him how his diagnosis had affected me as his wife and the affect it was having on our children.  This was a pivotal point in our marriage.  It was during this time we began to talk openly about what he and I were going through and it allowed us to make plans for handling OUR "diagnosis" TOGETHER.  Prostate cancer is a long, emotional journey.  We knew we were going to have to confront some intimacy issues, including possible erectile dysfunction and incontinence, but we were going to face them together as a couple. 

 

Fast forward seven months later:  we are still a work in progress, but in a much better place.  Most importantly, we are still together and have a greater appreciation of the deeper level of intimacy it takes to make it through such an ordeal. 

 

Who knows what the future holds?  One thing I do know is this:  if enduring all the fiery ups and downs, good and bad times means that I will still be Belinda Rhodes, wife to Albert Rhodes and we'd travel this journey together, then I say come on fire.....I'm ready for ya! I'm ready for ya!

 

My-Life, have you ever dealt with your spouse or another close loved one being diagnosed with a deadly disease?  How did you respond?  Did you have support, or like Belinda, did you find strength in yourself and your loved one?

 

 

Belinda is a wife to the love of her life Albert Einstein as she affectionately calls him.  He is the inspiration for her blog because sometimes he really does seem clueless ssshhhh don’t tell him she said so.  She is also a mother to a very interesting clan of young people (Jennifer, Jessica, Ashley & David).  She’s learning to balance it all while being a caregiver to her mom.  You can find her discussing the ups & downs of marriage & family life on her blog http://married2mrclueless.com or email her at married2mr.clueless@gmail.com