The Men's Room: Church and Family

by Kehinde Stevenson

The idea that "the Church" and "family" are separate is an unscriptural statement. In Matthew 16:18, Jesus said,  "On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys to the kingdom, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

 

Jesus said this to Simon based on his Holy Spirit-led confession of, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

 

Most of the time when we hear the word "church," we think of a building, but the church consists of PEOPLE. Jesus was saying, "Based on a person's confession of Me, I will build that person, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against him or her!" Everything we struggle against is either a result of us not knowing our divine nature, or us walking in our lower Adamic nature. 

 

God's desire from the beginning was that His creation walk in His divine nature and calling. God said, "Let us make man in our own image and our own likeness.  Let him have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth(Genesis 1:26)."

 

Since God gave the command to subdue, everything God was, He breathed into Adam. Man--if he is in right relationship with God--has the ability to dominate his surroundings. The creative power (thinking power), the power to follow through, and the ability to speak to a dead situation now resides in man.

 

A building was never meant to determine a person's salvation, nor does it have the capacity to outline the course of a family's lifestyle. "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:33)."

 

The kingdom of God is God's rule or His law. When the Body of Christ begins to live by the scripture (God's law) our divine nature will be showcased in the earth realm. The thought that we have to go to a building to hear one man lead us in prayer and preach about holy living is half right. The other half of the picture is when the believer engages God's law on a daily basis and exercises their God nature in their daily existence.

The first Youth Pastor children should have is their parents. Deuteronomy 11:18-20 describes the parents role in leading their children in their foundational covenant relationship with God. Sharing God's goodness should not be purposed in trying to increase your church membership. It should be rooted in the fact that God entices us to Him through His lovingkindness (Jer.31:3).

 

As a result the first place the love of God should be felt is in the home. The home should be the safest, most secure, emotionally built up breeding ground. It's the atmosphere where we first experience right, wrong, truth, acceptance, and most of all love. All biblical priorities flow from this diagram God-Family-Vocation.

 

My-Life, how do you view the church?  How have you incorporated a relationship with God into your own family?

 

 

Kehinde Stevenson is a devoted husband and father, and resides in Arizona with his wife and three children. His relationship with Christ is extremely personal, and he fully understands the value of grace, mercy and love within both his outside relationships and the relationship he has with himself.  He can be reached at kehinde23@yahoo.com

The Men's Room: Big Boys Don't Cry



Illustration by Arvelle Whitaker

By Jose Cardona

In sixth grade a girl whom I considered the most beautiful thing to ever grace a pair of acid wash jeans and door knocker earrings broke up with me--after 3 days. I was devestated, so I did what any 6th grade pre-pubescent kid would do to deal with it. I called her every name I could think of and even started a vicious rumor.

Later on in 8th grade, my girlfriend dumped me ON valentines day at the dance. I was older so I didn't react the same way.  This time I punched a kid by the finger foods for grabbing the last deviled egg.

Am I proud of my actions... not by any measure. but I will say this... I felt better.

Men, either by design or faulty wiring, have a basic problem dealing with problems. We have been taught early on that "boys don't cry" and that we need to "man up." I still believe that the only to two reasons that are still socially acceptable for a man to cry are at his father's funeral and if your home team loses the championship at the very last second to a second rate underdog.

A woman with a problem will call friends over. The gaggle arrives with foods that start with the letter C: cookies, cake, chocolate, catfish, collard greens (what... I live in the south). They talk, and 5 hours, 8 boxes of kleenex, and one Terry McMillan dance around the living room moment later, they are ok. They set up a brunch for the next week to follow up and monitor progress and that is the end of that.

Men don't have that. The one thing we are very conscious of is the whole "showing weakness" thing. That's why we don't verbalize our pain, we turn it into physical release. We dive into our work, we go to the gym, we may punch the sandwich artist at subway for skimping on the provolone. Its cathartic. Its what we do. Give us one week, an xbox, some hot pockets, and a six pack of beer and we're usually ok.

Is it healthy? No. Rarely as men do we get the closure we need. And it can eat us up inside. And sometimes we internalize so much that we become self destructive. Drugs and alcohol can take pain away momentarily but more often it can lead us to more problems and that is when we have to have a good support system to get us through those emotional stumbling blocks and into a healthy state of mind. Sometimes something as small as a phone call to let a friend in need know that we are there if needed can be the difference between snapping back into reality and falling irreversibly into the abyss. Jean Varnier said, "Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness."

A few years back a girl whom I thought I may love left me. She packed up her things, got into another man's car and left. Some friends said that maybe I should take my mind off her and go with them to play cards. I told them that I was fine and I would deal with it on my own. I called her that night and left her numerous angry messages. The next morning when I woke up she was still gone.

Was I proud of my actions??? Not by a longshot.... but you know what... I felt better.

~ Jose Cardona

To the Men's Room gentlemen, how do you process heartbreak?  To the readers in general, what do you think is the cause of the difference between how men and women deal with emotional pain?

Jose Cardona

Jose Cardona writes as a means to shut up at least 4 of the 5 voices inside his head.