A Couple's Cancer

by Belinda Rhodes

I still remember as though it were yesterday.   I couldn't remember the last time I felt so alone.  No family, no friends, no nothing...just me alone with my thoughts. 

My husband was in surgery, and as I sat in the waiting room of Martin Army Hospital, I remember being confused, afraid, and angry.  I couldn't believe this was really happening to someone I love once again. 

The “C” word was invading my family and my life, but this time it had targeted my husband.  I thought, "Prostate Cancer!  How could this be?  My husband is a very healthy man.  He works out, he eats well.  How could this be?" 

Nothing could have prepared me for the changes that would take place in my marriage and the lack of local support available to the spouses of Prostate Cancer Survivors. 

Nothing could have prepared me for some family members and friends that abandon me during this time, not because they didn't care (I suppose), but because they just didn't know what to say. 

Honestly I didn't need anyone to say anything, I just needed a shoulder to be available for me to cry on.

 

Once my husband came home from the hospital I knew this was going to be a challenging time in our marriage.  Communication is very important, and let me be honest, not much of it was happening between us.  Even though he never verbally said it to me,  I could tell he was going through an extremely emotional time in his life and I wanted him to know I wasn't going anywhere. 

 

I finally sat down with Al and opened up to him.  I told him how his diagnosis had affected me as his wife and the affect it was having on our children.  This was a pivotal point in our marriage.  It was during this time we began to talk openly about what he and I were going through and it allowed us to make plans for handling OUR "diagnosis" TOGETHER.  Prostate cancer is a long, emotional journey.  We knew we were going to have to confront some intimacy issues, including possible erectile dysfunction and incontinence, but we were going to face them together as a couple. 

 

Fast forward seven months later:  we are still a work in progress, but in a much better place.  Most importantly, we are still together and have a greater appreciation of the deeper level of intimacy it takes to make it through such an ordeal. 

 

Who knows what the future holds?  One thing I do know is this:  if enduring all the fiery ups and downs, good and bad times means that I will still be Belinda Rhodes, wife to Albert Rhodes and we'd travel this journey together, then I say come on fire.....I'm ready for ya! I'm ready for ya!

 

My-Life, have you ever dealt with your spouse or another close loved one being diagnosed with a deadly disease?  How did you respond?  Did you have support, or like Belinda, did you find strength in yourself and your loved one?

 

 

Belinda is a wife to the love of her life Albert Einstein as she affectionately calls him.  He is the inspiration for her blog because sometimes he really does seem clueless ssshhhh don’t tell him she said so.  She is also a mother to a very interesting clan of young people (Jennifer, Jessica, Ashley & David).  She’s learning to balance it all while being a caregiver to her mom.  You can find her discussing the ups & downs of marriage & family life on her blog http://married2mrclueless.com or email her at married2mr.clueless@gmail.com

Sweet or Sour Words: is this a Suggestion or an Attack?

by Tahlitha Chadwick

 

 

Sometimes I wonder as a wife, are the words I speak to my husband filled with potential or just plain ol' put downs?

 

Now I know a heated discussion in any marriage can turn a conversation sour, but what about those seemingly sweet conversations that start off in the kitchen where you're cookin' it up, everything smells wonderful and he's dipping into every pot you have on the stove.

 

After 9 years of marriage I'm still learning that the words I choose are just like choosing choice meats, I decide the cut. My choice of words will either move us forward or set us back, yield results or cause resentment. Suggestions put in a positive perspective will free up a desire to improve, whereas an attack will only shut that desire down, completely. 

 

Our marriage has, at times, been filled with hurtful and unhealthy words, where lovey-dovey went right on out the window. You know my flaws and I definitely know yours...so lets get it ON! And thinking back I can only imagine how we could have expressed our needs much better than that. My words could have just as easily been beneficial as they were critical. Saying what I wanted from him and not just wanting to hammer my point home.  

 

And this is by no means suggesting that you should tip toe around a serious issue or sweep anything under the rug that needs to be addressed, nothing gets solved by ignoring it, however, a woman who can speak well inside of her home, to her husband and children, and gets results, can expect to have an equal effect on her job, in school, at church, and wherever she chooses her words wisely.

 

Let's choose words that encourage, inspire, acknowledge, and makes a point...all at the same time. 

 

My-life, it can be done! Do your words add potential to your relationship? 

 

 

 

 

Tahlitha Chadwick is a writer. Give her a pencil and paper and she's happy. Her days are filled with raising her kids, loving her husband, and giving herself some space when it's needed. What she prays for when she writes or speaks, is that it's done effectively. Words have power.