Reconciliation: To Be or Not To Be?

I've been getting a lot of questions about whether or not my (ex) husband and I are going to reconcile.  I hear you thinking:  "That's none of anybody's d*!% business!"

Actually, it is.  I chose to let my life be an open book, so it would behoove me to give periodic updates regarding what we're dealing with here; not a play by play of courtroom and personal drama, but a reflection of the byproduct of this trauma. 

I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, and it just helps to put it into words, yanno?

To be or not to be?  That is the current question regarding reconciliation right now.  If you're curious, all I'll really say about it is one of us wants it, and the other doesn't.  You make your own educated guesses about that. 

But how can a person determine whether or not to reconcile?  There's no black and white answer that will work for everyone.  Here are some thing to look at that have helped in my decision making process:

1.  Focus on JUST THE FACTS!  Look at the situation face value and render your emotions silent.  They should have no say in what you choose to do.

2.  If you are the person wanting reconciliation, determine whether or not you have given corresponding action to the words you have spoken in that regard.

3.  Ignore words at this point.  It's time for action!  If you can look beyond  the words to see action, great.  If not, do not give a green light to reconciliation!

4.  Don't allow yourself to be manipulative or be manipulated.  Refer back to #1 for more details.

5.  Be right yourself.  Although legally, if a couple is separated, that gives either party the right to date and engage in sexual relations.  Personally, I choose not to because of my Christian beliefs.  Not only that, I choose not to because I think it would just add more complication to the matter.  I get 30 minutes to an hour of hard breathing, but when my bed and emotions are empty afterwards, I have TWO relationships I have to work on and not just one.

6.  Think about your marriage's pros and cons.  Think about what you endured.  Think about the good times.  Think about the kind of effect it had on your child/children.  Think about how your children are doing now.  This is the only step that requires you to look at more than just the weight of the facts. 

7.  Last, but not least, PRAY!  Not just for yourself, but for the other person.  Understand that prayer is an exercise in the forgiveness, love, grace and mercy that you want God to extend on your behalf.  My prayers have transitioned from, "God, don't you see what he's doing/has done?" to "God, help me be the best I can be, and help him be the best he can be, whether we reconcile or not."  Only God can create a shift like that.

I'm weighing my options, and my mind is pretty much made up.  However, because of the time I invested and the child we are responsible for raising together, I believe this thought process had to take place.

My-Life, have you ever had to face a separation or divorce?  Did you ever consider reconciliation?  How did you make your decision for or against it?