Truth is TRUTH...Whether I Like it or Not

I tend to state the facts through the lens of my life, chew the meat of the truth and spit the bones of my own shortcomings out.  Admittedly, I have done very little lately to discuss the buck naked truth about my mindset prior to, during and now after the pain of my marriage.

Many of you read my cathartic "Labor and Delivery" note.  I really appreciate all the supportive, encouraging words that came as a result.  Of course, not everyone was quite as compassionate about the topic at hand.  One person finally worked up the nerve to say what so many others were thinking when I had the opportunity to post the article on this site.  Although I could have been extremely offended by its harsh tone, I decided instead to smack up, flip and rub down the raw truth within the words.  

The anonymous comment from a reader who named him (or her)self "Common Since" said,

"How could someone such as yourself with "seemingly" so much insight be subjected to this? You had to have been fragile when you entered this relationship in order for this to take place. Because there was already some brokenness you chose a mate through a foggy lens. I wouldn't blame him....I blame you for making the choice that you made. Women have to make smarter decisions and know themselves before they enter into a relationship." 

And the truth is TRUTH, whether I like it or not.  Here is my full response to the common sense of Common Since's apt observations:

• How did I end up in such a disastrous marriage?  The truth of the matter is I ignored all the warning signs.  I was lonely, horny and tired of waiting for "Prince Charming," so I settled for the lip service of a man who said all the right things.  I chalk all that up to two words:  IMPATIENT and NAIVE.

• What was wrong with you?  One thing I didn't realize was when life shoots devastating arrows your way, it's best to be still and get complete healing before making any major decisions.  I met my husband nine months after my father--who I was very close to--died.  At the time, I thought I was superwoman; an expert at being able to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.  Took his untimely death like a champ...and my husband came along offering to fill that void with adventure, love and spontaneity.  I chalk all that up to three words:  DELUSIONS OF STRENGTH.

• What kind of lens did you see yourself through?  Common Since said "foggy."  That's the only statement made that I disagreed with.  That joker was SHATTERED.  And it stayed that way until I made my way out of the prison I'd put myself in. 

• Who are you?  Dang.  I wrote a book about this very question.  I can tell you who I WAS:  a woman unwilling to wait for the right person, so I made the wrong choice.  I can tell you who I am now:  broken in all the right ways, and positioned for the pieces to be put back together for complete and true wholeness.

• Where does God fit in all this?   Past and present, I have always been a child of the King.  I haven't always listened to Him (hence my current circumstances).  There have even been times when I lied on Him ("Yes, Mom...I know the Lord put my husband and I together." LOL), but if He has never given up on me, then who am I to give up on myself? 

•  Who will I be?  Time will tell.  My desire is to become the empowered person that knows how to begin again more intelligently...a person who forsakes the flaky and embraces wisdom for love and life.

The truth of the matter is I got married...I had regrets almost immediately after the fact, I felt like I had to prove the naysayers wrong, so I stuck with it.  Then, I got pregnant...I didn't want to be a single mom, so I held on against better judgment.  Every decision I made during that period chipped away at my self esteem and innate value as a person.  Care to exchange a better recipe for disaster?  I think I have it on LOCK!

The truth of the matter is in my anger towards my husband, that cycle of negativity invariably comes back on me, because I was the one who chose to marry him. It happens at least three times daily, I promise!  I MARRIED HIM...against all odds, against his past record, against common sense.  I made the CHOICE to marry him, which makes me just as culpable, even if it is in a different way.

Sure, Common Sense personified blames me for the choice I made, and rightfully so.  I hope he (or she) sticks with me for the duration of the ride. Right now, my life is a cautionary tale against poor decisions and being hard headed, but I refuse to put a PERIOD where a COMMA should be.  This is not the end, but merely a blip on the radar screen of my life's God given purpose and destiny.

Right now, I'm in the fight of my life...the fight FOR my life.

Truth is truth, whether I like it or not.  The truth of the matter is I thought I was super, when I was only human.  The truth of the matter is I was way too proud, and now I'm extremely humble.  The truth of the matter is, I survived with my sanity and sense of humor intact.

 My writing style is an invitation to keep watching me on the stage of my life.  My story is about to change! 

Truth is truth...and it set me free.

One Love!

~ Harriet