Can I REALLY Do This?

As I pulled up to the movie theatre that Saturday afternoon a whirlwind of thoughts crossed my mind…

• Why is he doing this to me?
• Is this all my fault?
• What did I do wrong?
• Maybe my parents were right about him…about us!

But the one thought that resounded like a siren was…CAN I REALLY DO THIS?

I made my way to the counter and bought a ticket.  I don’t even remember what movie it was!  All I know is that I had to find out…to see if I could do something as common and mundane as going to the movie by myself without him.  I had spent the last 15 years of my life with my husband by my side…and now I was facing the remainder of it alone.  I sat through the movie…it must have been a comedy because I do remember laughing aloud.  But no matter how funny it was...the thought still remained…CAN I REALLY DO THIS?

I wish someone would have told me just how painful, degrading, and emotionally draining the divorce process can be.  Now that I think about it…I thought that once I made up my mind to do it…everything was going to be fine…the pain would be gone…I would be free!  Little did I know that those vows we took over 11 years ago (you know the ones…till death do us part) would still stand true even after those vows were broken!  How is that? Well, we have 3 young children together…so he will always be in my life…for the rest of my life.  Any relationship that I enter into…he must be brought up…and I am forced to relive the process all over again. CAN I REALLY DO THIS?

The movie ended, and I made my way home.  My babysitter was asleep on the couch with my eldest on her lap.  As I picked my daughter up to put her in her bed, she looked up at me with those huge hazel eyes and said, ”Mommy…I waited up to tell you that no matter what happens, I’m gonna always love you because you are my Mom.” 

I kissed her on her forehead, tucked her under her covers, and ran into the bathroom and cried until I ran outta tears…literally!  That was all the ammo I needed!  The answer to the question that had plagued my thoughts all day….YES…I CAN DO THIS…and not only that…my world is not going to come to an end because my little girl is going to love me just because I’m her mom!

It’s been 2 years since that trip to the movie theater for me, and that feeling of fear and utter hopelessness has all but dissipated from my body.  I have done things that I never imagined I’d be doing right now…met the most amazing people in the world…and I am stronger that I ever have been in my life!  I refuse to live with regret, and have never turned back! 

If you are staring a divorce in the face, I want to encourage you…there is a light at the end of the tunnel! That light is HOPE! You can be whoever you want to be, and do whatever you put your heart into! You are not a failure!  Just take it one day at a time, and you too will find out that YOU CAN DO THIS!

My-Life, have you stared divorce in the face?  How did you keep your life from coming to a screeching halt?  Who or what caused you to realize that all was going to be well, and life would move on successfully?

Dana Sanders is many things to many people…a Mom…a Financial Advisor…a divorcee…but ultimately, she’s a queen!  She writes to get all these emotions she’s bottled up inside off her chest and onto you lovely computer screen.  Enjoy!